Log in

new and improved [entries|friends|calendar]
call me ray.

[ website | blowjobs gotten: 82,734,897,238 ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Why don't you take a swing at this? [22 Aug 2009|11:13am]
I'm back in idaho.


doing appraisals and staying at my moms
with the housing market how it is, theres like 3 houses being foreclosed on in a day.
i think i'm appraising all of them
my mom does a lot of yoga
i eat a lot of grapefruit.

it all balances out.

so where should i move to next?

my mom's cousins came in into town with their kids and kids' kids.
Teri and Joe are the parents, they are exactly like Hank and Peggy Hill.
except they're real... and they live in Burley, ID.
He sells propane and propane accessories and she's a substitute teacher.
that's all you need to know.
post comment

and i checked my drivers license, i was twenty-eight years old. [14 Apr 2009|12:16am]
ALERT CYBER STALKERS!!! Spoilers following:
there's a yellow filter cast over my life, combined with what appears to be a fluctuating trend of over-caffeinated brain palpitation and under-caffeinated cerebellum funky fog. i'm a train wreck waiting to happen, and the poverty-line skirting waitstaff surrounding me are helpless to intervene. i feel like i'm living in a constant state of existential irony.

My life has slowed down to a terribly tolerable level. I spend my days bus riding and bourbon drinking. I get paid to sleep, if only i could cash-in on the drinking and internet surfing. I need to write more, or find some other worthwhile hobby. Maybe the library could help with that, i should find my local branch and hit them up for ideas, that seams like a reasonable place to find a direction for your life to take right?

someone should hire me a hooker.
or hire me as a hooker.

without sounding like a cliche of a cliche.
and without making another song about ian curtis.
cuz... ya know...he's got enough:
you know i've had my fill of this town
i've made the most
and the ink stains my hand
until it looks like a ghost's

few feelings left
that can compare
to the shine of that stolen loot
and the loss of my share

the sight of your eyes gleaming
the sound of your voice ringing
above the din of someone singing
some karaoke of an elton john song

in some foreign bar
not too far
from home.
2 comments|post comment

keep your electric eye on me babe. [30 Jan 2009|07:34pm]
Sometimes i don't know where this dirty road is takin me. but it's the only road i've found so far.Collapse )
post comment

drug dealers buy jordans, crackheads buy crack. [04 Dec 2008|08:00pm]
man, what a night for a sunrise.

it could have all come out different though, i do suppose.
back in are en oh, and i'm findin all about what i already know.
you can never go home, but the more places you can call home the better.

first night here: trailer park, agoraphobia, and a vicious circle that leaves one finding solace and comfort in an illusion of reality, whilst everything outside of the illusion deteriorates, spawning a undeniable need for said illusion. panther valley.
first day here: 395 to the hallelujah junction, west on 70 past the plains into the pine needles. portland to portola, i've always been a sucker for alliteration.
next day: 80 west, up, over and past the final resting place of a failed emigration party. down into the valley. It's not a water tower, it's a propane tank. through the concrete and onto 99. pasture land, vineyards, and orchards. It's not an orange tree, it's a tangerine bush. into a land decimated by both a financial and identity crisis. Stockton. My grandparents and the heartbreak of old age. it's not the golden years, it's double-overtime.

driving back on 5, traffic lit up the sky in both directions. like an existential mobius strip with red devil taillights rushing towards hell, and heavenly headlights gridlocking their way into heaven. at a different time in the day, they're heading the same direction.

back in town and down the hall from everything and nothing. i myself can't tell if i'm in my own personal distorted heaven or a dreary crossroads of a hell. call me back in a week and hopefully i can tell you which.

more to come...
much more to come.
post comment

all the lengthening hours at the refinery... [15 Nov 2008|12:24am]
on august 11th, 2007 georges estes blanc broke the long-standing ms. pac-man world record, setting a new bar of 1,679,700 points in just under 6 hours. Reaching the impossible 154th level while surviving an equally unlikely 9 kill screens. Upon completion, he sighed and his mother complained from the next room for him to take out the trash.

Born 1979 in Humble, Texas to French father Étienne and Canadian mother Delores. He is the only french-canadian immigrant to ever surpass the one million point mark. Although a red-tape trip-up involving his citizenship and the authenticity of his social security card has kept him from being officially entered into the historic all-star cast of gamer elite, he is widely regarded as the undisputed champion and authority on ms. pac-man, and all things related.

earlier this week he sat down with vanity fair's scott olsen for an interview in an unmentionable downtown bar in PDX, OR.
a brief account of the exchange:

diffusing smoke obscuring his features into a distorted mask, his silhouette a sharp outline against the floor to ceiling wood paneling, georges takes rapid drags from his cigarette as he jams joystick down, left, right and up. "at what point in your life did you realize you wanted to be a record setting arcade gamer?". Without breaking his gaze or pausing his play, he responds "it was after our second pregnancy scare. I don't mind kids, but my girlfriend was worried how being pregnant would affect her disability checks."

Incredibly, few in the bar are aware that they are in the presence of the grand wizard himself. The joint is crowded and someone slightly spills some suds on the game screen en route to the juke-box. What follows is a lapse in spoken words between interviewer and interviewee. The former watching in awe as the canuck expertly dominated. The windows shook to the tune of "this aint a love song" by bon jovi. several college age girls screamed "whoo-hoo" during the bridge. A few college aged boys in the corner by the keno machine suggested they expose their breasts.
they take it in stride.
all that glitters isn't gold.

post comment

we always been more than just good friends [14 Nov 2008|06:10am]
but you know we've never been an item...

I find myself dealing with more and more raw emotion. I'm accustomed to having a fuzzy filter stretched over my life like a warm inviting blanket. Life on life's terms is demandingly tedious, slightly scary, and overall challenging. But it's good (that's what i keep repeating to myself multiple times per day).

I'm in a rut (he types as she asks him if he's alright).

But like my good, personal, best friend sam cooke always said: "whoa-oh-a-ohh a change is gonna come"

2 comments|post comment

sabu should have just gave up the road long ago [11 Nov 2008|05:33pm]
breaking down the anonymity of the internet one private myspace at a time.

it could have been any one of you.
it could have been me.

but someone's culpable for the death of humanity's last shred of purpose.


post comment

[05 Nov 2008|08:44am]
Yeeh boy! Obama Pajama up in yo' Mama!


you know what this means?Collapse )
post comment

do you know what blood looks like in a black and white video? [25 Oct 2008|09:40pm]
nw by east meets west.
jackie chan wouldn't like portland.
the local asian population is pushed off to the far side of town.
i think it's an aging minority group here anyway.
plus there is not nearly enough prop weapons lying around.
everything that's not nailed down the bums walk off with.

so i guess the point here is that you can take the boy out of the west, but no matter what gauge of needle you use, there's no injecting the northwest into said boy.
i miss that thunder rolling over hills.
ominous silent nights, crisp snow fading into gunky slush
i miss jaguar sightings and long unimpeded stretches of highway.
and i would gladly opt any day for a long line behind hispanics at wal-mart over almost getting knifed by some caucasian street kid who doesn't have the stones to get a job for himself and start his life.

or maybe i'm that kid.

post comment

time flies when you're having panic attacks... [15 Oct 2008|08:36pm]
It's like an evil worm that has invaded my brain, spewing forth it's disorienting secretions, turning reality topsy-turvy. My life has taken on new meaning in the past weeks.

I had two panic attacks in less than a weeks time. Both of them were after smoking weed (which i have been doing near-daily for the past year and a half). The drugs don't work no mo' I s'pose. This all happened days after giving up energy drinks for good. The paranoia associated with marijuana is nothing compared to the days after these episodes. Nothing quite like thinking your heart is going to explode to give you a complex about your health. I slowed way down on my cigarette intake as well.

So i am faced with an identity crisis of sorts; since my favorite leisure activity involves sitting on my patio, toking, smoking, pounding energy drinks, and enjoying the portland skyline as dusk fades to dark.

John Malkovich came into my store. I helped him find some Goo Gone. He also wanted that putty stuff you hang posters up with... but we don't carry it.

The job might have added to any stress that triggered these pseudo heart-attacks (not all of my customers are so histrionically genuine).

Or maybe it's this infected back molar i've had now for months.

I don't know...sometimes i just want to head off into the hills. I feel like everything everyone has been saying all along has been right, and i'm just the last to know... or the last to figure it out.

1 comment|post comment

I heard his best friend Frankie say, "he aint dead, he's just asleep" [16 Aug 2008|11:16am]
Godawful heat.
i'm just glad to know that the heat can't last too long here.

one of the indicators of anti-social personality disorder is superficial charm.
isn't that a conflicted use of those two words?
to me charm is some ethereal, elusive, trait that can't quite be defined in any kind of real way.
so how can it be superficial?

blues in pdx.
post comment

I haven't had withdrawals this bad since the last time i got off b-vitamins. [08 Aug 2008|09:26am]
yesterday i had to unlock the plexiglass case that we keep the drug tests in for this woman.
everything in my store is on lockdown. we have locks on the locks.

me: which one did you need?
her: well, i don't know... this one is for the marijuana? (holds up marijuana drug test)
me: yeah.
her: oh, but this one checks for marijuana and a whole bunch of other things.
me: yeah, but it costs more.
her: hmmm, well. what do - no that's an inappropriate question.
me: huh?
her: okay, if someone thought they had ingested some marijuana what do you think the likelihood is that it was laced with something?
me: they don't make weed like that anymore.
her: alright, i'll take two marijuana tests. I can return the second if it's not opened right?

i'm not sure if she knew i was blazed.
sometimes i wonder how people don't notice.
especially in the morning.
2 comments|post comment

put the condors to bed [04 Aug 2008|07:14pm]
the 4th whistle in super mario brothers 3 is simply a figment of my imagination.

redbull has fake sugar in it.

so what does diet redbull have in it?

i tried to go to flugtag, but became just one burble in a grand spectacle of sea-foam.
v.i.p my ass.
post comment

I was born in the boredom and the chowder [01 Aug 2008|06:46pm]
I often find myself sitting alone on my balcony, at various times both myself and my upstairs neighbor will be on our respective balconies getting stoned. I don't know what his name is, in fact I have never acknowledged his presence and neither he mine. I'm not even certain it is a he, but then she has quite a manly cough. I will play music while I am out there, either with guitar or via el stereo... i wonder what he thinks of that.

I've been reflecting on the past year or so lately, it's odd. Maybe it's a short term memory problem, but for me at a certain point things are only remembered through a neutral and diffusing nostalgia filter, this past year's events are starting to cross that point.

here are some photographs that may or may not have been taken by me but are on my camera.
this is a skinny slice of my life pizza.Collapse )

I've surrendered myself to being just a cog in the great green machine for the past year.
and i've resigned myself to being just a cog in the great green machine for the next year.
but i'm definitely the ronin cog...

when i'm feeling self-depreciating and cynical about the purpose of my life, i always look to the shapeless mass of humanity for some optimistic sign of forward progress. When there isn't any i console myself with the fact i'm pretty well off compared to some of these saps.

god, does anyone really have a plan for their lives? aside from school and your intentions of seeking a career similar to your studies. i can't see myself plotting out my life like it's some sort of timeline. Should i? I'll take life in no particular order please.

But there is a feeling of hope, and i think i will start posting on here more often. stop suppressing my brain surges into squeaky pseudo-babble farts. there's nothing quite like the malformed, disproportionate, digital ether that is the internet. Only here can you be shouting to world and no one all in the same breath.
3 comments|post comment

[26 Aug 2007|09:51am]
man, i seriously wanna start a revolution.

it's what this country needs.

or maybe, it's just what i need.
1 comment|post comment

last night i dreamt i had forgotten my name [11 Jun 2007|09:15am]
sometimes late at night, i put i wish i was the moon tonight on repeat and i sit in the dark listening to it and get hardcore nostalgic.
2 comments|post comment

i just found out yesterday that linda goes to mars. [27 Apr 2007|02:05am]
gas prices are a joke.
makes me wanna mutha fuckin' riot up in this biotch.

i've been writing a fair bit lately
somehow words worthy of writing down only come to me late on sleepless nights.

perhaps that's the only time i can tune out the rest of my life

or perhaps i am slowly morphing into a vampire poet.

john darnielle is a literary genius
each of his songs is a well crafted story
and a wonderful demonstration of wordy aptitude.
i hope i cut myself shaving tomorrow
i hope it bleeds all day long
our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises
we're pretty sure they're all wrong
i hope it stays dark forever
i hope the worst isn't over
and i hope you blink before i do
yeah, i hope i never get sober.

In this somber city
where stalkers never sleep
little children gently snore
in quiet moments deeps

and a white collar dad crushes his codeine pills
into his evening coffee
he still goes to AA, everything's okay
they've got free coffee, more coffee!

coffee and cream
what a wonderful color
like the mixing of fresh blood
and the back of a dollar.

1 comment|post comment

i gotta borrow money to pay this lawyer. [15 Apr 2007|09:14am]
yesterday i was thinking all day about what it is that makes someone able to do great things with their life.
is it luck? is it careful planning? was it within them all their life? or was it a singular moment where they decided they wanted more from life?

i think i might be having one of those latter moments right now.

see, i've always thought highly of myself... a healthy amount for sure.
so how many good ideas that i have that other people act on am i going to have to witness before i step up and do it for myself?

cases in pointses:
about a year ago, i predicted that america was set for a tea revolution... people are tired of the same simple flavor of coffee. What do you know? I recently read an article about the exorbant increase of tea drinking in america. I wanted to start a teahouse. It's still a great idea because there is not as of yet a teahouse here in boise. But i'm not primed to capitalize on such a venture. Alas.

lately me and kaya have been making a lot of fancy kupkakes and we had the idea to get in on the farmers market here and sell them. We went through all the proper channels to get it set up, and we were pretty much done signing up for it (just had to pay for our spot) when the admissions lately just casually mentions that there is another bakery signed up and is making cupcakes (only!). Alas.

I guess i'm just a little lost.
but i'm still happy.

my biggest fear in life is simply fading into non-existence.
i don't necessarily care to be famous.
i want at least one thing that i can be proud of.
i don't want to just 'get by' in life.

that was for high school.

have a happy day,
1 comment|post comment

dusty busty rusty. time to start this party train up again. [23 Mar 2007|12:52am]
i don't mean to suggest that i'm like jesus christ, your light overwhelms me when i lay beside you sleepless in the nightCollapse )
post comment

dont komment on this..... p.r. purposes only [02 Oct 2005|09:08pm]

nilsson schmilsson - 03 - early in the morning.mp3"
Adam Green - Kokomo (with Ben Kweller).mp3"
Cake - 13 - Ain't no good.mp3"
Uncle Tupelo - Still Be Around.mp3"
Adam And His Package - Philadelphia.mp3"
of montreal - 05 - don't ask me to explain.mp3"
extra glenns - martial arts weekend\02 - All Rooms Cable AC Free Coffee.mp3"
live at malmo, sweden\04-Track 4.wma"
live at malmo, sweden\07-Track 7.wma"
righteous brothers - unchained melody.mp3"
For Stars - Baseball.mp3"
dead k.mp3"
bonnie prince billy - master and everyone - 2003\01 - the way.mp3"
The Magnetic Fields - I Think I Need A New Heart.mp3"
eddie and the hot rods - g.l.o.r.i.a (bonus).mp3"
the extra glenns - martial arts weekend\05 - The River Song.mp3"
Van Morrison - Live At The Loreley '99 - 09 - Precious Time.mp3"
In The Lords Arms.mp3"
(Maxwell's) - 06 - Southern Belle.mp3"
Maxwell's) - 05 - Punch And Judy.mp3"
Blackbird (Beatles Cover).mp3"
10 - Hangin' Out With Me (live edit).mp3"
neil halstead - two stones.mp3"
Death Cab For Cutie - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home).mp3"
Kathleen Edwards - National Steel.mp3"
Ben Folds Five - Twin Falls.mp3"
- Know Your Onion - The Shins.mp3"
under me sensi.mp3"
Buddy Holly - Everyday.mp3"
terrible - perfect.mp3"
Ryan Adams - shadowlands.mp3"
Steven Seagal - Better Man.mp3"
Creation - Making Time [224].mp3"
White Stripes - Lord, Send Me an Angel.MP3"
Paul Simon - 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover.mp3"
sweet painted lady.mp3
james carr - 01 - the dark end of the street.mp3"
Modest Mouse - 03 - Sleepwalking.mp3"
Ben Folds Five) -- Your Most Valuable Possesion.mp3"
ben Folds - Speed Graphic - 03 - Protection.mp3"
ben folds - in between days.mp3"
Learn to Live with What You Are.mp3"
Ben Folds Live - 15 - Philosophy.mp3"
guided By Voices - Teenage FBI.mp3"
jenny toomey & calexico - cheat.mp3"
the magnificent seven.mp3"
Blow - How Naked Are We Going to Get-.mp3"
guided by voices_I Am a Tree.mp3"
letter to memphis.mp3"
anybody wanna take me home.mp3"
post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]