call me ray. (emerald_jaguar) wrote,
call me ray.
emerald_jaguar

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I was born in the boredom and the chowder

I often find myself sitting alone on my balcony, at various times both myself and my upstairs neighbor will be on our respective balconies getting stoned. I don't know what his name is, in fact I have never acknowledged his presence and neither he mine. I'm not even certain it is a he, but then she has quite a manly cough. I will play music while I am out there, either with guitar or via el stereo... i wonder what he thinks of that.

I've been reflecting on the past year or so lately, it's odd. Maybe it's a short term memory problem, but for me at a certain point things are only remembered through a neutral and diffusing nostalgia filter, this past year's events are starting to cross that point.

here are some photographs that may or may not have been taken by me but are on my camera.
this is a skinny slice of my

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I've surrendered myself to being just a cog in the great green machine for the past year.
and i've resigned myself to being just a cog in the great green machine for the next year.
but i'm definitely the ronin cog...

when i'm feeling self-depreciating and cynical about the purpose of my life, i always look to the shapeless mass of humanity for some optimistic sign of forward progress. When there isn't any i console myself with the fact i'm pretty well off compared to some of these saps.

god, does anyone really have a plan for their lives? aside from school and your intentions of seeking a career similar to your studies. i can't see myself plotting out my life like it's some sort of timeline. Should i? I'll take life in no particular order please.

But there is a feeling of hope, and i think i will start posting on here more often. stop suppressing my brain surges into squeaky pseudo-babble farts. there's nothing quite like the malformed, disproportionate, digital ether that is the internet. Only here can you be shouting to world and no one all in the same breath.
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